Questions

Why do I keep thinking about him?

What if it’s always been more than a friendship?

What are these feelings?

Have I always had these feelings?

How do I figure out if these feelings are real or if I just like his attention?

How do I tell him I like him?

How do I tell him that I’ve started letting him in?

How do I show him my interest without being too much?

How should I do my hair to see him today?

How do I decide which outfit he’ll like best?

Will he even care that I put in so much thought?

How do I get him to start to notice?

How do I get him to narrow his focus?

Does he notice?

He notices.

How do I get him to initiate plans?

How do I get him to understand I want him to hold my hand?

How do I stop thinking about holding his hand????

How do I get him to kiss me?

How do I get him to miss me?

How do I get him to want to spend every afternoon together?

How do I get this to last through all the seasons of weather?

How do I tell him that I’m certain what I feel is love?

Has anyone ever made me feel this way?

How do I tell him no one’s ever made me feel this way?

How do I hold his attention?

How do I make him happy?

What does he like?

What does he not like?

How do I get him to understand that he is more than enough?

How do I be safe for him to open up?

What do I have to do to make him speak up?

Why does he think he has to hide things?

How do I go back to redo the end of spring?

How do I help him understand that I understand?

How do I reassure him that he is not standing on quicksand?

How do I let him know that his humanness doesn’t make me afraid?

How do I let him know that his humanness is my favorite thing?

How do I let him know that his authenticity is what I crave?

How do I reassure him that through the mistakes and shortcomings that I will stay?

How do I calm my hurt when he’s done it again?

How do I smile through heartbreak to not ruin a beautiful, expensive trip?

Why did he look me in the face and lie?

Why does he think I am not intelligent enough to know better?

Does he think I’m stupid?

Why is he okay with looking me in the eye and being dishonest?

What did I do wrong?

Why will I be the bad guy if I don’t let it go?

How do I mend my heartache without pointing a finger to blame?

How do I stick up for myself without making him feel like he’s a failure?

How do I get him to understand that it’ll be okay?

How do I let it go when he won’t look me in the eye?

How do I give him his space while pretending I’m fine?

Doesn’t he care about the way I feel?

How do I feel my feelings without making him feel worse?

Why doesn’t he want to see me, help me, listen to me? I just want him to see me, help me, listen to me. Validate me. Believe me. Respect me. 

How do I better rehearse?

How do I change my tone?

How do I exhibit that I’ve grown?

What if I talk softer?

Why is he still shutting down?

Is it better if I’m loud?

What if I use “I” statements?

Why did he just agree with me and then go mute?

Why didn’t he own his part of the responsibility?

How do I be better?

How can I better show him?

How do I manage my anxiety internally so he won’t shut down?

How do I try to circle back later on without making him frown?

How do I make him believe that I believe in him?

Why won’t he talk to me?

How do I let him know that no one has ever, ever had me so locked-in?

How do I thank him for seeing me in ways no one has ever had?

How do I complain when the good is worth the bad?

How do I share my interests?

What if explain it just right so he can see how happy it makes me?

What if I show him in a way so he’ll better understand me?

How do I appreciate his effort when it appears resentful?

How do I breathe when he goes silent?

Why does quietness feel so violent?

How do I get him to help me calm my nerves?

Why doesn’t he seem to be so concerned?

Does he not care that I’m hurt?

What if I come up with a better plan?

What are his ideas to make it better?

How does he want to work on this?

Why does he have no ideas?

What are his plans?

Is this acceptable to him?

What if it isn’t acceptable to me?

Why is he so okay with me begging for him to be there?

Why is he upset with me when he told me it was okay either decision I make?

Why is it so hard for him to tell me what he wants?

Why would he tell me he didn’t care if I went if he actually did care if I went?

How do I make him believe that I’ll do anything he wants me to do?

How do I convince him it’s just a misunderstanding?

How do I fix it?

Where do I begin?

Why wouldn’t he just tell me what he wants?

Why does it always have to be a guessing game?

How do I own the miscommunication?

How do I make the bad go away?

How do I get him to be nice to me while I work hard to stitch his self inflicted scars?

How do I get him to understand he doesn’t have to do it alone?

How do I get him to see that I am not his enemy?

What am I doing? 

How do I get him to see that I bring it up because I love him?

Why can’t he see that I love him?

Why can’t he see that I would do anything for him?

Why is this so hard?

Am I not good enough?

Are there any breaks?

When will be the next good day?

Why am I so tired?

Why can’t I sleep?

When did he stop touching me in his sleep?

Why did he keep those secrets from me?

Why didn’t he give me the full story?

Am I not enough for the full story?

How do I ask the right question so he will answer without a fight?

How do I get him to give me something more than nothing?

Am I begging?

Is this who I am?

How do I thank him for taking care of me while I’m sick?

How do I let him know that he is my home?

How did he plan and execute it so perfectly?

How do I take in every aspect of this moment so I’ll never forget it?

How do I forever remember the blue water, the clear sky, the grainy sand, the windy green trees, the smile glowing from his face, his gleeful laughter appearing between breathes?

How did I never know this kind of happiness existed? 

How do I tell him he’s unlocked happiness levels for me that I’ve never been to before?

How do I believe this is real?

Is this real?

Is it finally my chance?

Does someone actually see me as someone worth loving forever?

How did we get here?

I’m tired.

What happened to who we used to be?

Has it always been this way and I was just unable to see?

Why does he isolate from me?

When was the last time we hugged?

When was the last time we fucked?

Where is he?

How long do I have to ask all of these questions? 

Do I want to ask all of these questions for the rest of my life? 

I love him. 

I want him.

But do I want this?

Is this good for me?

Why do I feel like this is unhealthy?

No one’s ever made me feel so loved before. 

Is love avoiding me?

Is love shutting down and pulling away?

Is love enough?

I know it’s not enough.

Can I make it be enough?

I want it to be enough. 

Do I have the strength? 

I know better.

Logically, I know better.

Experience haunts me.

What if it is different?

It is different.

It’s completely different.

Why does it feel so similar? 

Why does it feel like the same problem different place?

Why am I so bad at this?

What am I doing wrong?

Do I communicate too much?

Should I speak less?

Do I need to lose weight?

What if I try to be more fun?

How do I try to care less?

How do I lower my anxiety and stop being such a mess?

I don’t think I’m strong enough to walk away.

How do I tell younger me that I’ve done it again?

How do I look at younger me and choose this again? 

I don’t want to leave.

I just want him to see me.

Why won’t he just see me?

Why doesn’t he know that everything will be fine if he just sees me?

Why is it so hard to see me?

I think I want to break free.

How do I leave?

Can I leave?

Do I really want to?

Yes and no.

Why can’t he just change?

Why can’t he just fucking own up and do the things people do in relationships to make it work?

How is he just going to let all of this love go to waste?

What else can I do?

I’ve tried everything.

I’ve literally tried everything.

Why am I not speaking up anymore?

Why am I staying silent?

What’s the point when he won’t say anything anyway?

Has he abandoned me emotionally?

He has.

Why did I let myself get to this place?

Am I starting to not care?

I’m frustrated.

I think I’m anticipating the end.

Am I grieving something that hasn’t officially ended?

I think I am.

Where is the life jacket? 

Will he come around?

Why doesn’t he see this is ending?

Why doesn’t he believe me when I tell him things aren’t good?

Why doesn’t he see my attempts at making it better?

Does he not believe that I’ll leave?

I’m exhausted. 

How much more do I have in me?

I don’t know, but I will try until I break my bones.

Why do I feel this all in my bones?

I think I’m detaching. 

Why do I not care when he gets home?

Why am I no longer answering the phone?

Am I building resentment?

Why do I still want to give him more chances? 

Why am I still hoping for a fairly tale ending?

Nothings changing. 

I don’t know what to do. 

How can I keep abandoning myself for the sake of love?

Will I survive this if I keep going?

I don’t know if I will survive this if I keep going.

How do I end this?

What’s the best way to do it?

Do I lay it all out or do I keep it short?

What will make it hurt the least?

I don’t want to hurt him.

I don’t want to lose him.

I don’t want to lose myself.

I feel I’m losing myself.

Who am I?

I am not this woman.

Where have I gone?

I want me back.