All Is Well

It hurts too much to even write about 

I left my romantic persona frozen

I kept trying to help her but she wasn’t ready

An offering hand met with kicking and screaming

Sobbing and pleading

I have nightmares where I watch her try so desperately to make sense of it all

And when I wake, those nightmares carry into the day – it never ends

I was letting her heartbreak bleed into my sanity

So I had to cut her off

The line is thin between abandonment and boundaries

Sometimes I feel like I’m just protecting myself but other times I wonder if I’m avoiding it all

How do you tell the difference? 

All I know is, she can remain frozen for the time being

She isn’t ready to accept reality and I’m done trying to force her

She doesn’t need my pushiness disguised as encouragement

She needs time and grace and respect and understanding 

So if you see me and I look like all is well

All is well. As much as it can be. As much as I have access to it. 

But never forget, deep down in the most vulnerable places inside of all of us

Are our most sensitive, hurting and aching, vulnerable selves who are just trying to survive