It’s Just A Sock

I found your sock.

Not a pair. Just the one.

While I was folding mine.

I felt my body jolt as my brain, without my consent, played me all of my stored memories under the file titled “Folding Frank’s Socks”

I had no idea that file existed.

Or that it had so many clips.

I felt a single tear roll down the left side of my face.

I felt a blanket of warm feeling wash over my body.

I felt surprised that the feeling wasn’t sadness, panic or fear.

The best words I have to describe the feeling are joyful-gratitude.

I never realized how much I enjoyed folding your socks.

Actually, I think…I think I loved folding your socks. 

Only the people who have loved like I loved you will understand.

My heart misses folding your socks. 

I think…I know…my heart will always miss folding your socks. 

And I think it’s a shame that you don’t know that my heart would fold itself over and work itself to its very last beating pulse to fold all of your socks forever.

My heart…it beats for you when you are nowhere to be found, let alone when you are near.

It can’t comprehend how you could possibly ever be anything else to me but the love of my life.

It asks me everyday why we can’t be friends. 

My poor grieving heart is never going to understand what my head does. 

I know…my head understands. It does.

It understands that you’re not here. That if you wanted to be here, you would be. 

But you’re not. So you don’t want to be.

And it really is that simple.

…It’s that simple.

And it really is okay.

…Really, It’s okay.

So I sat there for a minute with your sock, just trying to embrace the warm feeling before it’s inevitable disappearance.

Man, I held onto that joyful moment for as long as it would stay.

It was the kind of seconds that feel like minutes. The ones where time is in slow motion mode, just long enough for the stretch of a smile or the snap of a finger.

Then my brain asked…do I throw it away?

The thought made me physically ill.

Then I laughed at how dramatic and goofy and romantic and funny and wonderful the whole moment had been. 

Very Maddie of me to become so poetic over a sock. (I think I love this about myself).

So I threw your sock back in my sock bin.

I couldn’t throw it away.