Inbetweener

The thoughts have been pouring for weeks 

I still manage to smile between my cheeks 

I am both the sun and the moon 

I am both December and June 

Which means I understand both the dark and the light 

The feeling of the suns heat rays warming your face so bright 

The breathtaking sight of a sheet of snow on the ground at midnight 

I am both happy and sadness

Which means I understand the madness 

Of being able to see two sides of a situation 

The cause and effects, the correlations 

Without justifying actions, I can understand the reasons 

I listen to both the angels and the demons 

I am both water and fire 

I am honest and a liar 

I am this and I am that 

Do you see what I’m getting at?

I am too much for just any person to handle 

I have way too many examples

I am full of magic, which I tried to share with a few people 

It is so tragic, they were all lethal

None of them capable of juggling all of the different parts of me 

None of them ever got to know the real me 

I am an introvert and an extrovert 

I park a car better when in reverse 

I love and hate at the same time 

There is something nostalgic to me about a wind chime 

I like reality TV and thinking philosophically 

I think the best way to tell a story is chronologically 

I am both social and socially awkward 

No matter the setback I continue to look onward 

I do not simply just like things 

I put all of me into everything 

I emotionally invest into movies 

I prefer natural beauty 

I love both the fall and the spring 

You know the concept of something in between 

Like indifference 

Do you understand the difference? 

I love both listening to birds sing early in the morning 

And the way the air feels late at night when it’s storming

I believe there is comfort in the discomfort

And discomfort in the comfort

I think simplicity is timeless

Yet I can often, unintentionally, be very pretentious (like right now)

I have always wanted to be and do everything, despite the impossibility

I love music that makes my bones want to dance

But there is something about thoughtful lyrics that put me in a trance

I love the city and the countryside

Are you starting to wonder how I ever decide?

I can’t ever decide

I never know whether to seek or to hide

To avoid or to say hi

I am an anxious ball of indecision

Who both loathes and admires tradition

Even when I say yes, a part of me says no 

Especially when it comes to letting go 

It took me years to pick a favorite color

Even more difficult to choose a lover

Because just as all of the good parts are starting to finally come together

I am worried about how and when it will weather

That before I realize it things start to fade before my own eyes 

It has happened so many times. It’s no longer a surprise. 

My uncertainty is the only thing that I am sure of, certainly

Do you see what I mean? 

I think I belong in the in-between